This Just In: Processed Meat.......is BAD for you!

In news more shocking than Clay Aiken coming out of the closet, the BBC filled everyone in on the secret that eating processed meat is bad for your heart. According to the article, foods such as sausage and bacon are even worse than natural red meats such as beef and lamb, likely due to "the salt and preservatives added to processed meats." Well, I can't help but think one thing when knowledge like that is dropped on me: No. Fucking. Shit.

Pictured above: someone who may not be concerned with eating only lean meat

Did anyone take a minute while writing this story to think that pretty much everyone on the planet knows that processed meat might just be bad for you? Well, if we're going to take the day to state the obvious, I have a few more conclusions that I'd like to share:

• Sitting in an ergonomic chair is better for your back than sitting on a bear trap.
• Cats walk on four legs and not seven.
• The word watermelon is actually made up of two words: water and melon.
• Many people who enjoy movies starring Scarlett Johansson do not necessarily believe that she is a good actress.
• 2 + 2 does not equal Christmas tree.
• Full lobotomies are not good for short-term memory.
• Full lobotomies are not good for long-term memory.
• NFL quarterbacks are often under more pressure than NFL spectators (I'm sure John Madden has said this at least once)
  
• The Jewish culture may have been misrepresented in Germany during the 1930s and 40s.
• People usually prefer the taste of pumpkin pie to that of pet lizards that have been named Pumpkin.

Since we're out to enlighten one another, feel free to comment on any other important discoveries that you have made throughout the week. It's important to spread the knowledge, people.

Take the Edge Off with Tilapia w/ Butter Sauce

I think the plan from now on will be to throw something at you each weekend that has the potential to make you a little bit happier. I figure the things that work for a grouchy bastard like me should probably work for almost everybody else, and if not then oh well there's always next weekend.

This week's happy distraction comes in the form of my favorite of all distractions: food. I'm one of those people who will eat when he's mad, or when he's sad, or when he's bored, or when he's celebrating....OK basically the point here is that I eat a lot. But with my upcoming nuptials, I would like to make sure I can get into my penguin suit without actually being in the shape of a penguin. So I'm always on the lookout for recipes that aren't too fattening but that also don't taste like something you'd find on the bottom of a shoe. Yahoo! Food has a pretty extensive recipe list from all different sources so I'll usually start there, and they came through for me again with tasty recipe for tilapia with almond butter sauce.

Here's the recipe, courtesy of Better Homes and Gardens:

ingredients

• 3 cups snow pea pods, trimmed
• 4 4- to 5-ounce fresh skinless tilapia fillets or other white fish
• Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 1 teaspoon all-purpose flour
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1/4 cup sliced almonds

directions

1. In a large saucepan bring lightly salted water to boiling. Add pea pods. Cook for 2 minutes. Drain and set aside.
2. Meanwhile, season fish with salt and pepper; sprinkle with flour. Cook fish in hot oil for 4 to 5 minutes or until it is easy to remove with a spatula. (If necessary, cook fish half at a time.) Gently turn fish and cook for 2 to 3 minutes more or until fish flakes easily when tested with a fork. Place peas on serving plates; arrange fish on top of peas.
3. Reduce heat to medium. Add butter to skillet. When butter begins to melt, stir in almonds. Cook for 30 to 60 seconds or until nuts are lightly toasted (do not let butter burn). Spoon butter mixture over fish fillets.
4. Makes 4 servings

I think one of my favorite things about this recipe is that it's so damn easy. Anyone who can boil water can make the peas and in my experience fish is pretty hard to overcook. The only potentially tricky part is the almond butter sauce because as the directions say you don't want to burn the butter. The trick there is to use a the smallest pan that you have so that the butter melts quickly without burning, and to really keep an eye on the almonds so that you can get them off as soon as they're ready. Other than that, this is a really simple meal that you can cook and seem like you really know your shit in the kitchen.

Plus, tilapia makes for a very mild-tasting fish so you don't have to worry about whether it will be too strong for people who don't like seafood. I suggest buying Roasted Garlic Caesar-flavored Almond Accents brand of sliced almonds. I admittedly got lucky when I picked these up because I was just guessing as to what would be a good choice, but these things really do add a nice bit of extra flavor to the meal.

Now, yes, I do realize that I could probably do better than a recipe with melted butter, flour, and almonds when looking for a low-calorie meal. But keep in mind that I once learned a way to "enhance" my snacking experience with 3-D Doritos (remember those?) by biting off a corner and filling it up with spray cheese from a can. The simple fact that a) I haven't already had a triple bypass surgery and b) I'm at least looking for things that are low-calorie is a pretty big accomplishment. And I can guarantee that if my fat ass enjoys the flavor then you'll probably enjoy it as well. So give it a try, and let me know in the comments how you liked it if you do.